Belonging
by Another Writer Who Loves
Summary: Lady LokixSteve Powerless and banished to America at the time of WWII Loki finds herself falling in love with Steve Rogers as well as living almost a century on earth, from the beginings of SHIELD to the invasion of the Chitauri. Slowly Loki finds herself being more at home on earth than Asgard ever was. And when faced with the choice of returning to Asgard what does she choose?
1. Chapter 1

Human beings were certainly a repetitive bunch of idiots, creating one war after the other with not so much as a single glance towards their history books to learn that what they are doing is wrong and will change nothing. They learn nothing from their ancestor's mistakes.

Asgardians are the same.

Perhaps that is why she felt a little bit at home here on Midgard.

Banished. Stripped of her powers. On a foreign land that had barely gotten to the point where it now was with the help of other realms, even if it didn't know it.

Trapped here until to show remorse.

Loki pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as she watched the scene in front of her.

She had to rely on her words and mind more than ever now. In a land that scoffed at women that wanted more than what was set for them. In truth the only reason she was in a position in the American Army at the moment was because one of the generals had decided to amuse themselves and in a moment of whimsy allowed her to enter.

Although why she had decided to enter the military when she despised fighting in itself was a mystery to her as well. Perhaps it was because the military would be the best place to offer her protection and a steady income.

A daughter of Odin and Frigga brought down to this humiliation.

It could've been worse, she mused to herself as the scientists; as they called themselves, she could have been placed in a different country that would bring her down the moment they saw her.

She tore her attention from the man in front of the room that was giving the others instructions, Abraham Erskine a healer and scientist (the word felt a bit wrong on her tongue), and focused it on the man and woman next to her.

"I still don't think this is going to work." the woman, Margaret Carter, said.

The general, Chester Phillips, snorted. "Well Schmidt wouldn't have kept the man alive unless he knew what he was doing."

"He hasn't told us anything." Loki said softly. Her use of words and sly manipulation were of use to the military in its own way. She had been the one they sent to talk with Erskine about his formula, despite knowing that she knew nothing of modern medicine and science, she persisted on calling it magic in her head. She had spent hours manipulating the conversation and talking around words and in the end Erskine had told her nothing, nor did the soldiers listening in understand what he was going to do, and Loki had a headache at the end for her troubles.

Erskine refused to answer anything about the formula, he never wrote any part of it on paper as well. He said that the only reason Schmidt hadn't killed him was because Erskine had the entire formula in his head and if he died the formula died with him.

When Loki had mentioned, without meaning the formula or anything that had to do with it, how dangerous that was to keep the knowledge only in his mind he had scoffed.

"Better to die with me than to be used in the wrong hands." Erskine had said.

She didn't argue, she saw the point he was trying to make.

"What of the men?" Loki asked General Phillips. "Did he approve of any of them?"

Phillips shook his head in disgust. "Twenty-five of Americas finest men. Top physical conditions. Strong as an ox all of them. Rejected each and every one of them after seeing them train once."

"Perhaps it is not an American he needs." Margaret murmured. Her accent coming out a bit heavier.

Loki bit back a chuckle at the look that crossed Phillips face.

"We haven't showed him all of our good boy's yet." he declared.

Margaret and Loki shared a look. Loki's own accent, although she had never thought it had anything in common of any part of Midgard, was classified as British. A quick glance in a book and towns she quickly agreed and claimed to be part a part of Leadworth. Because of that Margaret, who often insisted on being called Peggy, had chosen to form a bit of kin-ship with Loki.

Phillips turned and started to walk out of the 'lab', another word Loki still wasn't familiar with, and Margaret and Loki followed him.

"It is his formula and he is the only one who knows it." Loki reminded him. "We need to follow his guidelines."

"Not if he keeps rejected each candidate." Phillips said. He glanced at Loki over his shoulder. "Try to find out what he is actually looking for."

Loki stopped and nodded before turning back and walking back to the lab. Why she obeyed, she did not know. Perhaps it was because she understood her position in the military and knew the ranks of Asgard and those who needed to be obeyed and those who gave orders. However she rarely was the one who obeyed orders unless her father or brother was giving them. Most of the time she was the one issuing the orders.

However she wished to stay in this military and she knew she had to follow her orders.

Suddenly a hit of homesickness struck her at that moment, so abruptly that her knees buckled and she grasped the wall she had fallen against as best as she was able to.

The glorious vision of Asgards castle. The rainbow bridge. The gardens she and her mother had loved so much. Her room that was filled with the artifacts she had gathered, her notes, her books, her clothing. The warmth of her brother's hug. The silence of the library filled with books she has still yet to read.

Home. Mother. Father. Brother.

An arm went around her waist and a hand on her arm. Looking up she saw the concerned gaze of Erskine on her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice still carrying his own accent.

Wordlessly Loki nodded as she righted herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"A mere moment of dizziness." she lied. "I am fine."

Erskine didn't look completely convinced however he nodded and let go of her.

"You came back, that means you have questions." he sighed. "I will be with you in a moment, let me finish this."

Loki nodded as she stepped back to avoid becoming an obstacle, her eyes obtained a faraway look as she thought.

It had been two years on Midgard. Two years since her banishment. Two years since she had last seen her home.

Two years was, actually, nothing to her and her people. More of a blink of an eye than anything. However even a year was a long time for Midgardians, so much happened in a simple year. War had broken out over the seas and now the America, where she was currently living in, was joining.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and refused to think of Asgard. There had been no definite amount of years in her banishment, which meant it was up to her to break it and return home.

How, she had no idea.

She hesitated for a moment before she gave into the image of her brother Thor in her mind. She remembered how he looked in the sunlight and on the battlefield, glorious and the proud son. Proud first born son. Heir to the throne. She remembered how he always smiled at her and praised her, teased her as an older brother did. His over protectiveness when a man showed interest in her.

The look of disgust and disappointment at the moment Odin had banished her before sending her through the rainbow bridge down to Midgard.

Erskine came to her now and when he looked at her he rummaged through his pocket for a moment before pulling out a handkerchief.

Seeing her confused expression he whispered, "You look as if you are about to cry."

She glanced to the side where the contraption had a metallic surface to see her reflection and saw her eyes were filled with tears. She realized her lips were trembling and she could now feel her eyes watering.

She quickly shook her head and ducked it in order to secretly wipe at her eyes. Erskine nodded and pocketed the reflection.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Loki nodded before she pasted a smile on her face.

"General Phillips wishes to know a bit more about the candidates that you are interested for the experiment." she said. "We need to know what to look for when we are picking soldiers."

Erskine shook his head and waved his hand for Loki to follow him as he walked along the wall of the lab.

"My formula." he started in his soft voice. "My formula is…a creation. It doesn't simply affect what is on the outside, the physical body. It affects the person mentally and emotionally, perhaps even spiritually. The DNA is simply the body chemistry and" he continued speaking of what the formula was able to do and what he planned to create with it.

Loki nodded in the parts she was meant to. This worlds magic, they called it science, was still a foreign topic for her and not one that she easily understood.

Erskine, perhaps sensing her confusion, backtracked his words. "In conclusion, it can turn, morally, good into great. And evil into worse."

"And that is why you don't simply want one who is physically perfect." Loki said.

Erskine nodded. "The serum, mostly the Vita-Rays, will do that regardless; bring a person to the height of the human beings perfection in body. What I am most afraid of is what that person will become because of who they are inside."

Erskine was silent for a moment as he watched the men run around the room, placing whatever needed to be placed in its proper position.

"Tell General Phillips that I will not bow down to his wishes and use those that he wishes to use." he finally said. "While the machinery is in place he still needs the actual serum, which I have not yet created it physically. Even if I must wait years I will not use the serum on someone that I do not have one hundred percent confidence that they won't turn into a monster." His eyes withdrew into his own memories. "Not again."

Loki nodded and turned to leave. General Phillips wouldn't be happy however no one was able to go against Erskine's wishes.

* * *

Although her main residence of 'home', so called, was the military base she still found reason to go out into the more populated part of the town. City, she reminded herself. The hustle and running around reminded her of the most busy days in the towns square where merchants would be clambering over each other in an attempt to sell their goods.

It was still slightly fascinating to her to watch the Midgardians go about their everyday lives. She dodged certain people pickpocketing, powers or not she still knew the most subtle of gestures and how to either create them or avoid them.

Occasionally she would walk a few blocks and then stop, always out of the way of the people walking, and simply watch.

The fast metallic vehicles that were called cars still amazed her at times. Faster than a normal horse and at times more convenient than a carriage. Stores that were dedicated to selling of various goods rather than a single one. Quantity and mass production of everyday needed items.

She shook her head. There was no need to get too comfortable here on Midgard, she would be leaving soon.

She hoped.

A commotion in between buildings caught her attention. She didn't see the people however she heard the unmistakable sound of someone being punched. There was a clash of metals against one another that slightly reminded her of two swords swinging and meeting.

Curiosity getting the better of her she walked into the alleyway to a sight she hadn't expected. A larger almost man was punching a smaller boy. The smaller boy looked malnourished and sickly; he was barely standing on his legs.

"You just don't know when to give up, do ya?" the bigger boy asked, almost sneered.

The smaller ones entire body was shaking however he persisted in bringing his hands up. "I can do this all day." he insisted.

When Loki saw the bigger one turn his body backwards in order to punch the smaller one again she immediately strode forward and grabbed his hand before he was able to bring it forward. Grabbing his arm she whirled him around and slammed him against the brick wall.

The boy struggled for a moment until he saw who had slammed him into the wall.

"A dame?" he said incredulously.

"A woman." Loki corrected as she let him go. "Now what the hell was going on here?"

The boy's eyes shifted to the military uniform she was wearing for a moment before he slid his hands into his pockets. "Nothin'."

Loki glanced to the side where the smaller boy was still breathing heavily as he watched them in surprise.

She then pushed the boy away. "Leave before I do something worse."

With one last withering look, which Loki blankly met his glares had nothing on Sifs, the boy walked away with his back straight and shoulders down.

Loki shook her head in annoyance. "Pride of man." she murmured as she turned to the other boy. "Are you alright?"

The boy nodded as he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall breathing deeply. "I'm fine. Thank you."

"Do you need any help?" Loki asked.

He shook his head. "Don't think so." he said as he tried to take a step forward. His knees buckled suddenly and he started towards the ground with a cry.

Loki caught him with her arm around his waist and set him down on one of the crates in the alleyway.

"Follow my finger with your eyes." she instructed placing her finger in front of him. When his eyes followed she nodded in satisfaction before reaching up with both hands to feel his head. "I don't think there's a bump."

The boy was smiling slightly. "I told you, I'm fine. Dizziness just…sometimes happens."

"Rest for a few more minutes, and then you'll be off." Loki said.

The boy nodded in agreement as he leaned back against the wall. Loki spotted a piece of paper on the ground identical to ones that she saw just this morning.

She leaned forward to take it and opened it.

'Steven Rogers' it read.

A smile came onto her face, this was a military application. She glanced at it and flinched lightly at the list of ailments the boy went through; no wonder the military had refused his service. When she spotted the date of birth however she chuckled.

"You do realize that it is a crime to lie on this, correct?" she asked him.

The boy gave her a sheepish grin. "How did you know that I wasn't from Paramus?"

Deciding not to mention that she had no idea where Paramus was she instead tapped the date of birth with her finger. "Stating that you were born in the year 1922, that would make you about twenty years old."

The smile had slid off of Steve's face. "I am twenty years old, I didn't lie about that."

Loki froze for a moment before she ducked her head. "I apologize; I overstepped."

"It's fine, I'm used to it." Steve said truthfully. He stood on shaking yet solid legs. "I think I'm good now."

Loki stood as well and handed the folder to him. "You are sure?"

Steve nodded. "Thank you again. For that…" he motioned with his head to the place where the other boy had been punching him.

"Not a problem." Loki said as they walked out of the alleyway. "You asked how I knew that you weren't from…Paramus. So you lied of your residence?"

Steve nodded.

"Why is that?" she asked.

The sheepish grin came back as well as a hand to the back of his head. "Well…I already submitted an application with my name saying I'm from here. So I needed something different."

"You submitted it before and were rejected?" Loki asked. When Steve nodded she continued, "Why do you persist on attempting to join? I have seen men trying their best to get out."

He eyed her uniform for a moment. "Because I want to do what's right." he said softly. Somewhere in the distance a bell rang to tell the time was close to three. "I need to go; my friend is waiting for me."

Loki nodded. "Farewell then, Steve Rogers, unless we should meet again."

Steve waited in place for a moment. "Can…can I get your name?" he asked as his face reddened.

Loki smiled, noting how the red in his face deepened. "Loki Odinsdottir."

"Loki Odinsdottir." Steve repeated. "Where is that from exactly?"

"Leadworth, England." Loki immediately said.

Steve smiled. "Well then…hoping I get to see you again." he said before running off.

Loki mused for a moment on his answer to her question: that he wanted to do the right thing. Foolishness honestly, Midgard or Asgard it didn't matter nor did it matter what the warrior, soldier she corrected herself as she walked back to the base that served as her home for the time being. In this world where women were pushed down men were more than eager to show their talents off onto the world and come back home victorious and glorious from war. Despite his physical weakness Steven Rogers was a man still and no doubt he had the same yearnings.

All warriors merely wanted to fight and kill, none cared for the exact reason. They only wished to prove themselves better than the rest.

Loki shook her head however her smile didn't fade. There was little chance that they would meet again.

**I do not own anything Marvel related.**

**And if anyone has ideas as to why Loki is banished then by all means tell me.**


	2. Chapter 2

Loki didn't think of Steve Rogers again until she walked by a room filled with people applying. The only reason she was able to see him actually was because another man moved out of the way and he was revealed for a moment.

She paused to listen and nodded when she heard his name to confirm his identity.

For a reason she didn't understand she waited there until Steve was called and watched as he sat in the room, fidgeting after a nurse had come to take his vitals.

She didn't take her gaze off of him and heard Erskine coming to her side. He was arguing softly with another recruiter and was holding a handful of papers. Erskine shooed away the recruiter and stood by Loki. She nodded in acknowledgement.

Erskine held out the papers which she gave a customary glance. Each paper had the name 'Steven Rogers' on it however the place of birth was different on each one.

"Stubborn and unwavering, despite knowing that it is illegal." Erskine said softly.

"Persistent." Loki said still watching Steve.

"He is either very dedicated or very stupid." Erskine said as he gathered his pages together in a neat pile. "Let's go see which."

Loki continued to watch as Erskine walked to Steve and in that soft voice of his revealed Steve's attempts to enlist. She watched as the color left his face however the light in his eyes remained.

"Do you want to kill Nazis?" Erskine asked.

"Is this a test?" it seemed so strange, to hear such a deep voice from such a small body.

"Yes."

There was no hesitation, no wavering doubt, no shaking tremor in the voice as Steve said "I don't want to kill anyone. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from."

Loki tilted her head. She was, still is she corrected herself yet again, the goddess of mischief and lies. Known throughout the realms for her silver tongue and honest face. Her eyes never missed a single tell or something that could be used to her advantage.

She had been looking at Steve since the moment he started talking so that she wouldn't miss a single thing. So she wouldn't miss that moment where he gathered his lies together and she would be able to call him out on it.

He was telling the entire truth.

Erskine stared at him for a long silent moment. "You are going to be beaten down." he finally said. "It is a natural rule of the military to try and beat the others. You especially. The weakest will always be dragged down and beaten."

An image flashed through her eyes. Of her younger self crouched over a book in the library, eyes filled with tears and ears still ringing with the taunts of the warriors practicing in the courtyard. They could never touch her as the princess of Asgard and younger sister of the overprotective Thor. However, words were at times worse.

"I'm used to it." Steve said. "And I always get back up, regardless of how badly hurt I am. I stand."

Regardless of who had pushed her down. Who had sneered at her. Who had taunted and ridiculed her.

She always stood tall and proud. And most of all, she always excelled in her studies and her magic.

Erskine was fighting a smile Loki noted as he leaned back into his chair. He then glanced over his shoulder at her.

Loki nodded once.

Without saying another word Erskine took Steve's papers and pressed his personal stamp onto it.

Steven Rogers was officially part of the Super Soldier program.

* * *

Peggy and Loki were walking down the hallway discussing the newly selected soldiers for the program as they entered the conference room-

"What the hell do you mean because of Loki you allowed an eighty pound asthmatic into Project Rebirth!" Phillips yelled.

-only for Loki to turn around and continue out the door.

"Lieutenant Odinsdottir!" Philips yelled. "Get back here."

Cursing under her breath, and thinking for a moment just what curse she would have casted no him if she still possessed her magic, Loki turned back and came to the generals side. "Sir?"

Philips was breathing heavily and his eyes narrowed at her. "Do you want to explain yourself?"

"I'm afraid that I don't know what you are talking about sir." Loki said calmly. "I have not done anything against regulations as of yet." Peggy gave a light snort at the 'yet'.

If possible his eyes narrowed to a smaller degree as he threw a folder at her. Loki caught the folder and opened it to glance at the contents. A side of her mouth lifted slightly at seeing the name 'Steven Rogers' on it as well as his background information.

She glanced up. "I'm still not seeing the problem sir."

He was now gritting his teeth almost audibly. "I'm going to overlook his height; barely past five feet, and maybe his weight;' I would be generous to call him ninety pounds, and perhaps his asthma; which would automatically make a man unsuitable to be a soldier despite how physically well he would be otherwise. Did you see his medical background however?"

Loki glanced at the section.

Asthma. Scarlet fever. Rheumatic fever. Sinusitis. Chronic of frequent colds. High blood pressure. Palpitation or pounding in heart. Easy fatigability. Heart trouble. Nervous trouble of any sort. Has had household contact with tuberculosis. Parent/sibling with diabetes.

Peggy whistled as she read over Loki's shoulder. "How is the kid still walking? Forget walking, how is he alive?"

Loki read and reread the list. Almost none of this meant anything to her, excluding a few things that she was able to decipher. However based on how the others were acting it was a big deal.

She glanced once more over the list. Sicknesses of some kind perhaps? Hereditary or not?

"I will admit that I hadn't looked over his file at the time." Loki said. "However I was merely going on my knowledge."

"Knowledge of what?" Philips demanded.

Loki glanced at Erskine wondering if she should tell.

Thankfully Erskine choose to speak at that moment. "Knowledge from me." he said firmly. "About Rogers. While I haven't met him before I had heard him before he applied here once more in the hopes of being accepted. His fire and his desire struck something in me. Yes, Loki did help me in choosing him. However even if she had not been there at the moment, I still would have killed him."

"What the hell does he have that is just so special?" Philips asked. "What makes you want him even more than the other soldiers that you have seen?"

Erskine smiled. "Heart. He has heart." Loki nodded in agreement.

Philips looked at them incredulously before he snorted and threw his hands up in the air.

"Heart." he repeated almost mockingly. "The kid has heart. We are in a war and we have soldiers that have heart. Wonderful."

Still mumbling to himself Philips walked away, agitation lining his entire body.

Peggy waited until Philips was out of earshot before she turned to Erskine.

"You think that's important?" she asked.

Erskine nodded. "There is nothing more important than a man's, or a woman's, heart. Physicality is fleeting however the person's morals stay forever."

"And you think Steve Rogers has enough of those morals?" Peggy asked.

Erskine nodded once more. "I know, trust me. I know. I just need to figure out a way to show Philips that."

"You've already chosen him to be the one to take the formula, haven't you doctor?" Loki asked.

Erskine smiled however he didn't say anything.

Peggy shook her head in amusement. "We're placing our faith in your choices doctor."

He chuckled lightly. "You do not have to worry." he said. He locked his eyes with Loki's. "I am a very good judge of character."

For a reason Loki didn't understand she felt a shiver go up her spine, something she immediately pushed down and refused to show.

* * *

There are times when Loki would wake up in the middle of the night, not realize where she was because it looked nothing as her room in the castle of Asgard was, and in desperation reach for her magic. Only to discover her magic was completely gone, not even a single trace of it left, and pure panic would well up and take over her.

Until she remembered where she was, why she was there, and everything that came along with it. At that moment she would close her eyes and fall back onto her bed and took deep calming breaths in an effort to calm herself once more.

When those times happened, and they happened nearly every night now, she could have sworn that she had woken up each time with her hands soaked in blood as they had been that day. The overwhelming stench caused even her eyes to water. Her hands, not trembling one bit, coming up to show just how much blood was on her hands and regardless of how many times she would wash them the blood remained.

Those nights she would close her eyes, press her face deeply into the pillow, and cry silently.

When Peggy would ask her out of concern about the state of her red eyes in the morning Loki would simply smile and say nothing.

Now, however, was different. She had woken up once more and had chosen to instead of attempting to go back to sleep to walk around the base for the fresh air to clear her head. She pulled on her jacket over her nightgown and slid her feet into her shoes. Almost as an afterthought she picked up the gun next to her bed and placed it in her pocket.

Wouldn't hurt to carry it with her.

The entire ground was deserted, excluding a few soldiers that were placed on watch who nodded to her as they passed. Loki nodded back out of politeness and allowed her legs to guide her to where she wanted to be.

Eventually she found herself at the edge of the camp looking up at the stars. A rough sense of familiarity and comfort flowed through her. The moon and its stars, if not the same one that can be seen in Asgard then at least it looked similar enough to fool even her. Perhaps the nine realms were connected under the same sky after all.

She smiled lightly as she continued to look at the constellations, in her mind she remembered her mother telling her and Thor the stories about each and every constellation. She firmly refused to think of the other one as well who was beside her and Thor. Her hand went into her pocket and tightened around the gun, finding a small sense of comfort she would usually have gotten from clutching her knives back home on Asgard.

"Cannot sleep?" came Erskine's voice from the dark. He walked up to her and joined her side before glancing up towards the sky as well.

Loki settled for simply shaking her head as she relaxed her grip on her gun and slid her hand out of her pocket.

"Is there something that you wish to talk about, my dear?" he asked her.

She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. There was no reason to tell this mortal anything.

Erskine watched her for a long and silent moment. "Well then, remember that I am always here if you wish to talk." he said looking back up.

"What are you doing up then?" she asked.

"I was looking over my notes once more, making sure everything was in order, when I saw you walking. The look on your face suggested that perhaps you were sleepwalking and I followed to make sure you wouldn't get hurt." Erskine replied.

"You said earlier that you are a good judge of character." Loki said looking at him. "Why did you look at me like that?"

He chuckled lightly. "You are quite a mystery, not only to me but to everyone around you. I simply followed my instincts when I am around you and I know that you are a good person." He shifted the book he carried in his hands lightly.

She thought back to her dreams, her memories and banishment, and gave a slight shiver. "You don't know that."

"But I do." Erskine said simply. "The important thing is that I trust you and I know which side you are on."

"And if you are mistaken?"

"I am rarely mistaken." Erskine said. "However if I am…well then. We'll see just what will happen."

Loki glanced at him for a silent moment before she said "Good night, Doctor Erskine."

He smiled at her. "Good night, Lady Loki. Before you go however, I have a question. About your name."

"Yes?"

"It's not British. It's not English." he stated. Was that her imagination or a trick of the moonlight or did he really tighten his grip on the book just slightly? "What is it?"

"I don't know." Loki said. "I was raised in an orphanage and that was the name that was placed on the piece of paper I had with me." Having that story, of being orphaned and raised in an orphanage helped to show just why she did not have so many papers that are apparently needed in America.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Erskine said sincerely.

She ignored the slight pain she felt at lying to the man, she hated the feeling. He was such a good man and she had to lie.

"It's nothing, I am used to the questions." Loki said waving her hand.

"Do you know anything about your parents?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "Nothing. But it does not matter, I have my own life now."

He smiled once more. "That is true. Odinsdottir."

She smiled at him as well before turning and walking back to her own space, barracks they were called she reminded herself. She would need to get a notebook and start writing all these new words down.

However, there was no need for that as well she mused. Soon enough she would find a way to end her banishment and would no longer have to step foot on Midgard again.

She sighed as she placed her jacket on its hook, the gun to the side of her bed, and slid her shoes off before going back under the covers of her bed.

She closed her eyes and attempted to get comfortable once more. There was a long day tomorrow of training the new recruits, her nose scrunched up slightly at the reminder that neither she nor Peggy had taught these new soldiers to respect women and would most likely have to suffer through sexist comments for a certain amount of time.

It was frightening how used to she was getting to that and how little attention she now paid to it. Now, with the Generals happy permission of course, whenever a sexist comment was made either she or Peggy had permission to punch the man who had said it in the face.

Most of the time however she asked Peggy to do it. Loki found that some of her Asgardian strength had remained and she feared that she might accidently kill one of the human soldiers.

The book that Erskine was holding shot through her head once more. She frowned as she attempted to piece out why it was so important to her. Something about the title did sound familiar to her however she wasn't entirely too sure. She never paid much attention to Midgardian books.

Either way, regardless of what the book was, she was sure that it had little to do with her. She shifted again and attempted to calm her mind as she fell into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

**I do not own anything.**


	3. Chapter 3

She and Peggy were watching the newest recruits train. His eyes were on Steven Rogers and his…admirable attempts in ensuring that he kept up with the other warriors. Through the wired traps, the ropes that they had to climb, and the pushups.

She felt sorry for him, she honestly did. He was breathing heavily and could barely keep the count of the training. In truth he looked as if he was going to collapse at any moment.

She felt her heart twist as he stopped for a moment to place his hands on his knees and wheeze before shaking his head and continuing through his personal set torture.

"_Look at her! She can't even pick up the axe!" she heard some of the warriors behind her call out._

_Ignoring the blush that was spreading on her face Loki shook her head and tightened her grip on the axe. Placing all of her strength into her arms she gritted her teeth and strained to pick up the weapon. _

"_You sure that she is Odin's daughter?" she heard someone say. Her heart stopped at the snickers and she was barely aware of the axe slipping easily through her hands. _

"_Strong Odin fathering such a child? Never in a million lifetimes. Frigga must have had an affair at the right time is all."_

_Loki felt her magic curl around her and settle in her fist as green fire. It surrounded the axe that was somehow still in her grip however she didn't notice her magic making the axe lighter than it truly was. _

"_You would think that she would at least take after Frigga in the looks department. She's nothing to look at. All pale skin and too dark hair."_

_A hand came down on the axe she was holding and tugged it out of her hands. Loki's head snapped up to see Sif staring down at her. With a single tug Sif got the axe away from Loki and turned away to join her own friends._

_Fresh laughter fired off. _

_Loki bit on the inside of her cheeks as she felt the threatening tears that were gathering in her eyes. _

_A shove from behind brought her straight into the pile of weapons. Her hands immediately came up to catch herself before she could hurt herself. She was more aware of the warriors laughing behind her more than the cuts on her hand. _

_A hand took her by the back of her robes and brought her to her feet before throwing her to the ground. She winced as dirt entered the cuts._

"_Go back to the library." the nameless warrior sneered at her. "Learning magic. No warrior worth their true pride would ever degrade himself to learn magic."_

"_Magic is a supreme form of fighting." Loki tried to protest, trying to ignore the feeling of fear ignited in her. "It is bet-ah!" she felt the breath leave her body as a boot came down on her chest. _

"_You piss us off." the boy continued. "Holding your head so high up. Like you're something. You're not a real princess. You can't be the daughter of Odin."_

"_I am." Loki wheezed. "I am daughter of Odin and Frig-" she coughed as the boot came down once more. _

"_Liar." he said. "You look nothing like either King Odin or Queen Frigga. You're not their daughter."_

_Loki turned to where Sif and her friends were. They were her brother's friends as well. Perhaps they would…_

_No. They were laughing at her with the other warriors in training._

"Loki? Are you alright?"

She blinked and turned her head to see Peggy staring at her.

She smiled. "Of course. Simply deep in my thoughts."

Peggy obviously didn't believe her however she didn't press the matter. "The recruits are going on their run now. Let's go."

Loki placed her elbow on the side of the vehicle and listened with one ear as the warriors were running behind them. Sometimes Peggy would glance at her in concern however each time Loki would smile at her and silently wave away at her worries. She pressed a hand to her chest as she remembered the boy in training at that time.

He would later become one of the greatest warriors and would even attempt to court her.

To her greatest disgust Odin had honestly considered betrothing her to him until Thor had decided to take things into his own hands. His own older brother, overly protective hands.

The warrior hadn't come back to fight for her hand afterwards.

She shook her head once more as she and Peggy looked through their papers and marked off the warriors. Peggy had her pencil in her mouth she noted with a small smile.

She turned and watched as the warriors stopped and were fighting to get to the piece of cloth that was tied to the top of a pole.

"Whoever gets the flag from this pole, gets a ride back with Carter and Odinsdottir." the commander said. Loki rolled her eyes as the warriors doubled in their efforts to retrieve the flag.

They failed and fell back into place as Steve Rogers walked forward, looking the pole up and down before extracting a metal piece at the bottom and allowing the pole to fall to the ground. He gathered the cloth and handed it to the commander before climbing into the truck next to Loki. He nodded and smiled at her.

Loki smiled as well as she turned away. Her eyes went once more to the pole.

He had used his brains, something most warriors refused to acknowledge and train.

Most warriors didn't see a reason to use their brains, she mused as the truck continued forward. From the corner of her eyes she saw Steven look at her and then look away quite a few times.

Small stature and a body that couldn't use physical training, so instead he used his brains. She had walked through the barracks where these warriors were kept and she had seen in his possessions books whereas most of the other men had brought trinkets of their own.

A scholar then, she settled. A scholar who wished to show that he can be as strong as they are. A scholar placed in a world where there are no time for people like him however a demand for people of the more physical work.

Her eyes went down to her hand. Before, back then with her magic, with a single thought she would have been able to call green fire to engulf her hand and with a simple wave of her hand her magic would obey her every command.

Silly, womanly, feminine, weak magic.

She smiled bitterly as she gave her own glance from the corner of her eye towards Steven. Perhaps there were some things they had in common than she thought.

And perhaps her ideas could be bettered if she talked with him she mused.

* * *

Loki walked into the laboratory where Erskine was working with the others. He spotted her and walked towards her with another man.

"Loki." he said in greeting. He nodded to the man beside him. "This is Lieutenant Loki Odinsdottir. Loki, this is Howard Stark; the man behind the power that will be helping us to create the whole experiment."

Howard reached out and shook her hand briefly before bringing it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

"Nice to meet such a pretty girl in a rough place like this." Howard said winking one eye.

She smiled back at him. "And such kindness, I am more accustomed to the rougher man." she flirted back.

If anything his smile widened. "Any moment that you would wish to leave the premise and go to a place where would suit you so much more, all you need to do is say a single word to me and I assure you I shall perform the task to the best of my abilities."

"Such words, such promises that you make." Loki said in a slight mocking tone of voice. "Are you certain that you would be able to keep to it?"

"I assure you they are more than words." Howard protested. "They are solid promises that I assure will come through and work."

Loki smiled sweetly. "Will they work as well as that floating car that you presented in your most recent showing?" she asked before she slid her hand out of his and walked away.

She heard him stutter behind her and smiled to herself as Erskine came to her side. She grinned at him as he shook his head with a smile.

"Never saw that side of you before." Erskine said.

Loki shrugged. "I haven't had reason to flirt for a while. I decided to have some fun."

"I also don't think anyone said no to Howard Stark in any way, shape, or form before as well." Erskine said.

Loki smiled at him. "There is always time for a first."

Erskine smiled in answer as well. "I suppose there is."

She then looked around, eyes falling on the machinery that was being brought in. "Colonel Phillips wishes to know how everything is, in his words, going on. He needs to know at what stage that everything is ready."

"We are almost done, and I have made my choice." Erskine said. "You and Phillips know who I have picked."

"I do however the Colonel seems to be in denial."

They shared a chuckle.

"Doctor!" one of the workers called out in worry. "Doctor Erskine!"

"I will be right back." he said. He held out his papers and book. "Do you mind holding this for a moment?"

Loki shook her head as she took the papers and watched Erskine walk to the man. She pretended not to notice Howard Stark glancing at her by looking down at the book Erskine had handed to her, it was the same one she had seen with him just last night.

'Mythology' it read. By Edith Hamilton.

A man of science and healing reading a book on mythology she mused. Interesting subject. However she wasn't one to talk. Not all of her readings had to do with magic. She blushed a bit as she remembered some of the hidden books that were located behind others in the library that she had managed to find.

Shaking her head to clear it of the images those books gave her she flipped through the book instead. She snorted at the Zeus and Hera.

Some parts of the book was marked she realized. She flipped to the first part that had a piece of paper sticking out of it.

She felt her heart stop when she saw the chapter title.

Odin. Odin was the name of the chapter title.

She licked her lips as she skimmed the pages and turned each page. A book of Norse myths, some true some not so true. There was no need to fear just because Odin was marked; perhaps that was simply where Erskine left off in his reading.

Unbidden her eyes went to the second piece of paper, not too far from the chapter on Odin.

Knowing that she would hate herself if she didn't look she quickly turned to the marking where the second piece of paper was.

She felt the blood drain from her face as she closed the book immediately, her hands shaking and her eyes blinking quickly.

It was a coincidence. A complete and total coincidence.

Erskine returned to her and it was only through her centuries of practice that she was able to steady her entire body and hand him back his papers and book.

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence.

She smiled and nodded without really listening to what Erskine was saying. Her attention turned and turned again and again back to the book that was tucked under his arm.

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded in response to what Erskine was saying.

It didn't matter that the second piece of paper was marking a chapter entitled 'Loki'.

It was coincidence.

Marked 'Odin' and 'Loki'.

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence.

However she did notice that Erskine was staring at her a bit more than he was usually. She smiled at him reassuringly, which he answered easily to, however.

However.

He did tighten his grip on his book.

* * *

Colonel Phillips looked over the men as they jumped up and down, bringing their arms in unison. "You're not really thinking about picking Rogers, are you?"

"I wasn't just thinking about it. He is a clear choice." Erskine answered with a smile. He had his hands behind his back and was watching the warriors.

"When you brought a ninety-pound asthmatic onto my army base, I let it slide." Phillips said obviously agitated. "I thought 'What the hell, maybe he'd be useful to you like a gerbil.' Never thought you'd pick him."

"Up!" they heard Peggy cry out to the recruits. Loki watched as they increased their pace, Steve almost doubling over from his effort.

"You put a needle in that kid's arm it's gonna go right through him." Phillips continued.

"Come on, girls!" Peggy called out.

"Look at that." Phillips said watching at Steve's best effort however at the same time his belabored execution. "He's making me cry."

"I am looking for qualities beyond the physical." Erskine reminded him.

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project?" Phillips asked him. "Of all the groveling I had to do in front of Senator What's-his-name's committee?"

"Yes, I'm well aware of your efforts." Erskine said.

"Then throw me a bone." Phillips almost begged. "Hodge passed every test we gave him. He's big, he's fast, he obeys orders-he's a soldier." he said about his favorite recruit that he wished to be selected.

"He's a bully." Erskine pointed out. Loki nodded in agreement; she had plenty of bullies in her life. More than enough.

"You don't win wars with niceness, doctor." Phillips said reaching into the back of the truck. Loki realized he had pulled out one of the smaller weapons; a grenade a corner of her mind reminded her. "You win wars with guts." He then pulled the pin off of the grenade and threw it into the area where the warriors were training. "Grenade!"

She noticed that Peggy had started to run towards the grenade as the other soldiers, including Phillips selection Hodge she saw, ran as fast as they were able to.

However Steven Rogers threw himself on top of the grenade, curling his small body onto it.

"Get away!" he screamed out waving his arms to the others. "Go!"

Seconds passed and as the recruits realized that the weapon wouldn't work, it was supposed to explode Loki remembered from a showing, they slowly came to where Steven was. Steven himself slowly realized what had happened and sat up. He glanced around to Colonel Phillips.

"Was that a test?" Steven asked still panting slightly from the exercise.

Loki paused and felt a smile tug at her lips as she turned towards General Phillips. He caught her eyes and she saw defeat in his own. He glanced back once more at Rogers and she could almost hear his teeth grinding together as he realized just what had happened.

"He's still small." he persisted to Erskine before walking back to the truck, cursing almost the entire way.

Erskine had followed slightly with his head as Phillips had walked away with a smile. When he looked up at Loki he winked once before following.

**I own nothing.**


	4. Chapter 4

Loki waited outside the building for Erskine to come out. Finally she heard him talking with another person as he neared. When he saw her he smiled at her and waved the other away.

"A message from Colonel Phillips?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "Just. I needed to talk to you about something."

"I also have something to talk to you as well." Erskine said.

Loki waved her hand at him. "You go first then."

His smile brightened. "Tell me, is Asgard as beautiful as the stories say it is?"

Loki froze, a million thoughts running through her mind at once. Disbelief, immediate desire to protest, to defend her past, to deny what he said, to do something that would help her in some sort of way.

However.

Staring at him, his patient and kind eyes. Eyes that weren't pushing the answer, that were willing to wait as long as needed to give an answer regardless of what it was. She knew that if she denied what he said at this very moment he would never bring it up again.

The true question was, did she respect him enough to answer truthfully? Did she respect him enough to not hide the real answer from him? Was she willing to swallow her guilt and her shame in order to properly answer him?

Did she respect this Midgardian, this mortal, enough?

The answer came surprisingly easily to her.

"More so." Loki finally said. "Stories very rarely capture the true beauty."

Erskine still had that same smile however his eyes were almost glittering. "Who are you, honestly?"

"I am Loki. Loki Odinsdottir." Loki said. "Daughter of Odin and Frigga. Sister of Thor. Princess of Asgard."

"And why are you here?"

She closed her eyes in pain. "Banishment. Repentance. For a crime I admit that I committed, which I gladly serve my penance."

* * *

"I feel sorry for the kid." Peggy confessed.

Loki glanced over her shoulder at the other woman before turning her attention back to the papers in her hand. "You don't think that he will be able to go through with the procedure?"

"I don't doubt his will." Peggy said. "It's his body that I'm afraid will give up first."

"Perhaps that will is all that he needs." Loki said shrugging.

Peggy glanced to where they knew Erskine was talking with Steve. Giving him one more chance to leave. Explaining everything that the experiment would do.

"I was stationed in Germany to help Erskine escape and be brought here." Peggy said quietly. "I managed to see their experiment on their man."

"Was it successful?" Loki asked.

Peggy looked torn before she shrugged. "I didn't see that part however from what I heard it was both a success and a failure."

Loki frowned. "How is that possible?"

Peggy shrugged once more. "I don't know, I'm just saying what I heard."

Loki turned to where Steven was with Erskine at the moment. "It's a bit more worrisome that he will die however." Loki asked. "What happens then?"

"He dies." Peggy answered simply. "But…at least he would able to do what he wanted. He gets to die in the service of his country."

Loki shook her head as her grip on the papers tightened slightly. "There are worse fates than death, my dear Peggy."

* * *

She had been selected to bring Steven Rogers to the area where the experiment was to be done for reasons unknown. They sat in an uncomfortable silence as they road in the vehicle. Loki watched through the window as the scenery flashed past them, enjoying the ride. Carriages were nice however this vehicle was much better in its comfort and its speed. The ones designed for the military especially were quick and easy to maneuver in places where even a horse would have trouble following.

Steven had also been looking out the window silently until he sat straighter in his seat suddenly.

"I know this neighborhood." he said, his eyes fixed on his own familiar sights. He lifted his hand and pointed "I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot." He ducked his head downwards now, almost ashamed perhaps. "And behind that diner."

Loki watched him questioningly. "Did you have something against running away?" To tell the truth she never ran once she learned the proper magic, in retaliation to the attempts beatings that other warriors would do she would curse them in various ways. Her favorite had always been vanishing their manhood's.

However the punishment she would receive in return was harsh and her words that they had attempt to hurt her had always fallen on deaf ears. Even to Thor who would always be the first to defend her and attempt to avenge her honor.

"You start running they'll never let you stop." Steven said looking at her. "You stand up, push back. Can't say no forever, right?"

She gave him a small smile, noting the blush that spread along his face. "I know a little of what that's like." she confessed lightly to him. "To have every door shut in your face." Or to be turned away despite excelling at a certain aspect because it wasn't _proper_ for the child of Odin to be a mage instead of a warrior.

"I guess I just don't, why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful…a woman." Steven said. When Loki raised an eyebrow at his word choice he immediately back tracked and stammered as he said "An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but…" he trailed off almost helplessly.

"You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" Loki asked in amusement.

Steven grinned sheepishly. "This is the longest conversation I've had with one." he confessed to her. "Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on."

"You must have danced?" Loki protested, her mind going to the many feasts and balls her father had thrown. It had been a requirement for her to dance with certain nobles despite her protests. Nonetheless she had enjoyed dancing; the part with teaching Thor and having her feet nearly trampled in the process wasn't that pleasant however.

However then came that other man. That noble…

"Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying." Steven said. "And the past few years just didn't seem to matter that much." He then gave a shrug. "Figured I'd wait."

"For what?"

He glanced at her. "The right partner."

* * *

Loki was starting to feel slightly apprehensive for the whole ordeal. Despite Steven played brave and sure in his decision she was able to see his body shaking slightly. She squashed the urge rising in her to comfort him in any way, there were superiors watching at this moment and it wouldn't benefit him in any way if she attempted to comfort him.

Erskine met her eyes for a moment before he nodded. She nodded in return and obediently turned to join the other soldiers that were watching the experiment. She looked over her shoulder to where Steven was being strapped into the machine to where Howard was looking over the machines that powered the experiment before she continued upwards.

Erskine picked up the device that allowed his voice to be heard throughout the room and tested it. Loki smiled as some of the men winced at the sounds.

"Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace." Erskine begun. "We begin with a series of micro injections into the subjects major muscle groups." As he spoke the nurses and scientists began their work and placed the proper machinery in their places along Stevens body. "The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change. And then to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with vita rays."

Loki watched as Steven was injected with something they called penicillin, she saw Erskine murmur something to him before stepping back and allowing the machine to come into its place surrounding him. Erskine knocked on the metal and said something, to which Stevens reply caused him to smile slightly.

He nodded to Howard and together they started to work at the machines. The other scientists and doctors fell into their positions and started their work.

Loki was barely aware as Howard called out numbers, going higher in their tens. She was barely aware of the soldiers and superiors around her that were watching critically. The only thing she was aware of was her own heart beating fast, her labored breathing, and Peggy tightly gripping her hand.

When Howard called out "Sixty" Steven started to scream in pain. Loki jumped from the sound and before she even knew what she was doing she had ripped her hand out of Peggy's and had ran down the stairs.

"Shut it down!" Loki yelled an order to Erskine who looked as if he was about to faint. He ran to the machine holding Steven. "Shut it down!"

"Steven!" Erskine shouted as he banged frantically on the metal.

"Shut it down!" Loki now almost screamed.

Erskine turned to where Howard was standing frozen; if Loki had concentrated on him she would be able to see his widened eyes behind the black plastic. However all of her attention was on Steven and his screams.

"Kill the reactor, Mr. Stark!" Erskine shouted to the frozen man. "Kill the reactor!"

Howard barely hesitated as he turned to the machine and reached for the levers. Before he was able to turn it off however Steven shouted "No!"

Their attention turned to Steven who was clearly in pain despite his protests.

"Don't!" he almost howled. "I can do this!"

Erskine looked as if he wanted to protest. He looked as if he so desperately wished to stop the experiment, that he regretted picking Steven for the experiment. Loki looked on helplessly as Erskine turned to Howard and nodded.

Howard continued on as if he hadn't stopped, calling out the numbers as he turned the wheel on his machine. As he called out "One hundred!" sparks flew everywhere. People ducked as the machines reached their capacity before they calmed.

Silence rang through the room as everyone's eyes fell on the machine holding the now silent Steven.

"Steven?" Erskine called. He turned to where Howard was. "Stark."

Obediently the machine came forward and opened to reveal Steven Rogers breathing heavily and covered in sweat.

However he was built differently, properly for a soldier. He appeared taller and broader.

The tension in the room loosened as one as everyone realized just what had happened.

The serum had worked.

As they watched as Howard and Erskine helped Steven out of the machine as he took a few stumbling steps forward.

Murmurs filled the room as everyone took off. The serum had created the super soldier that they had wanted. Loki pushed forward through the people to stand in front of Steven.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

Steven looked at her, still breathing heavily, and gave a small smile. "Taller."

"You look taller." Loki said returning the small smile. His new body, his built. They all reminded her slightly of Thor for a reason.

Loki turned to where Erskine was standing. Their eyes met and she smiled at him which he returned.

The next thing she knew was that there was a shot ringing through the air. Erskine was falling to the ground. Screams. Running. Pandemonium.

And blood. Blood was stained on the ground. On the machines.

Blood was everywhere.

* * *

She was wearing a formal model of the military uniform. She never had a reason to wear it before. She noted the collar was too stiff and was scratching against her neck.

She had watched as they brought in the wooden box expertly created down the middle of the room. These rituals were strange. They cultivated the body of those who were dead and buried them under the ground.

On Asgard funerals were more simpler, she mused, it would be a pyre with the body being surrounded by his friends and family that still lived. The body itself would be dressed accordingly. If he had died in battle then he was burned in his battle armor, the final decoration of a finely done cape covering the entire body labeling how high of a warrior he had been. If the man had died of old age the same would be done, however the cape would be in the color of gray instead of red. Then the body would be placed on a raft, lit on fire, pushed into the ocean, or nearest body of water, and the entire company would watch as the body burned.

This was almost horrifying for her. Not only to watch as the men brought the wooden box that held Dr. Erskine but to open the top to show the body. Although he had been dressed accordingly to his profession there was no denying the wound that had ended his life. Erskine was not a well-built man, therefore it was hard to hide the wound, and it was almost painfully clear that he had been in severe pain at the time that he had died.

The next part was similar; thankfully, people stood and spoke in memory of Dr. Erskine. They talked of his good deeds and of his beliefs of the world. They spoke of his struggles and his triumphs. They spoke only that which was good of him.

Quite a bit of the attention, however, was going to the new Steven Rogers. He had been given a new uniform to fit his newer frame. Awkward and shifting in his seat, both because of the attention on him and his own discomfort, Steve reminded her of a boy going onto the road of manhood. Not yet used to his new body which had seemed to have grown overnight. He looked up once and their eyes connected for a moment.

Loki had turned away first, bringing her attention back to the person who was speaking.

The time between Erskine's death and what happened in the next hour were a blur and she was barely able to remember.

She remembered Steven running after the man that had not only shot Erskine but had attempted to steal the remaining serum. She remembered seeing the symbol that she was told belonged to their enemy called Hydra.

She remembered following to the best of her ability.

She remembered shooting her gun in some sort of an attempt to help Steven get the man that had dared to kill Erskine.

She also remembered the military bringing his the lifeless body of the assassin back. He had killed himself using a hidden poison.

She remembered watching as the blood was cleaned off and Erskine body was picked up and carried away.

She then shook her head. She could no longer bear simply sitting here as she listened to others speak. Quietly excusing herself she quickly and stealthy walked out of the room where the service was being performed and outside where she breathed in the fresh air thankfully.

When she opened her eyes she saw Howard standing a few feet away from her simply watching her. He seemed to come to a decision as he started towards her.

"Want a smoke?" Howard asked when he reached her, holding out what the Midgardians called a cigarette.

While cigarettes weren't known in Asgard plenty of others smoked pipes and various herbs that were found in all corners of the nine realms. She herself had never performed the act itself, it had been forbidden by her master in magic whom she held dear and close to her heart, and never been tempted by the disgusting scents protruding from both the pipes nor the breath of those who smoked.

"No, thank you." she said shaking her head. "I don't smoke."

"What a coincidence." Howard said dryly. "I don't either."

Loki stared at him for a moment before nodding. She extended her arm and took the offered cigarette in her hand.

Howard lit it for her however she couldn't bring herself to bring it up to her lips.

"It's alright, you know." Howard said without looking at her. "To feel upset. Erskine was a good guy. And now…now he's gone."

"The road we all must follow." she said softly. "Birth, life, death. This shouldn't come as such a surprise."

"None of us expected it however." Howard pointed out. "We didn't know the guy would be there and we didn't know that he would have shot Erskine."

She nodded her head. "True." she then started to bring the cigarette up to her mouth however brought it back down before she could place it on her lips.

"He was a good man." she finally said. She closed her eyes to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over.

In truth it was Erskine who had brought her to where she was at this moment. He was the one who found her and brought her to the military, claiming that she would benefit them all. It was thanks to him that she got a chance to be here.

Loki felt her lips shake slightly before she pressed them together tightly. When she felt that she was no longer in danger of crying she finally opened her eyes once more.

Howard had moved beside her without her realizing. He had placed his hand on her shoulder.

"He was a good man." she repeated in a shaking voice. The tears threatened to make another appearance.

Howard nodded. He didn't comment on her tears or bring up the fact that she was a woman and therefore 'more prone to emotional outbursts' as some of the other soldiers and men in the vicinity would have done. If anything he choose to simply look away and give Loki the few moments of weakness she needed.

She glanced at her from the corner of her eye. She choose to keep away from others on this realm, her time here was limited after all. However in doing so she completely cut herself off from the touch of another person. Erskine occasional touch of her arm or shoulder, Peggy hugging her sometimes was all she had to call touches of another person. Howards hand on her, and it staying there unlike the fleeting gesture of Erskine and Peggy, made her realize just how much she missed the touch of another person.

On Asgard she wasn't a physical person in the slightest however there was no absence of touching either. Thor was incapable of knowing or ever learning just what personal space was and would at all times drape himself on top of Loki. He would be the one who would mostly hug her and bring himself to touch her. Her mother Frigga would caress Loki's face or run her hand through Loki's hair.

Howard was the first one to offer not only a touch but a comforting touch. Loki swallowed the desire rising in her to bring herself closer to Howard and seek more.

Her eyes widened at the realization and she dropped the cigarette. The connections she was making at this time. The one she had created with Erskine. The one she has with Peggy, being created now with Howard, the one in creation with Steve. She had unknowingly and unwittingly created bonds with them. These people from Midgard. Mortals with short life spans. People who she would never see again once she returned to Asgard. Her eyes clouded with sadness as she realized just what had happened during the last two years.

"I've gotten too attached." she said softly. If Howard heard her, he didn't comment.

**I own nothing.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Thor,_

_I think about you practically every day, my brother. I also worry about you. I remember how reckless you would be on your 'adventures' and how many times I would need to talk quickly to get you out of trouble._

Loki paused for a moment before she crossed out the words. Those weren't right.

_How are you? Have you been crowned as king of Asgard yet?_

Pursing her lips she shook her head again.

_How is Asgard? Mother and father? What of the Warriors Three and Sif?_

_How are you, my brother? Are you keeping with your studies? What adventures have you gone on since I was banished?_

_Thor, I miss you. I miss mother and father. I miss Asgard. _

She sighed and wearily closed her eyes.

_Thor, I miss you. I miss mother and father. I miss Asgard. _

_At this time I am still in Midgards army. A war is raging across their ocean and I am a part of their side. The good side. _

_A good man was killed the other day. He wasn't a warrior. He was more of a healer. Perhaps inventor would be a better word for him because he had created a perfect spell to create a perfect warrior._

Her hands shook as she continued.

_He was killed however, moments after seeing the results and personal victory of creating the perfect warrior. The people and I said our goodbyes and we buried him. Midgardians have a different customs than we do when dealing with their dead. Personally, I think our way is better and more efficient. _

_There is another man, Steven Rogers is his name, and he was the result of the Inventors spell. The end result reminded me of you in all truths. However his character is completely different than yours. The heart, however, is there just as yours is._

_I have been banished for two years now and I fear that I am no closer to ending this punishment than when I had started. _

_Mostly, because I don't know how to end it._

_I don't know what to do. I don't know how to show just how regretful I am. I am guilty, this I know and I make no argument. _

_I just want to know how to atone for this._

"Odinsdottir!" the voice of Colonel Phillips rang out outside. "Front and center!"

"Coming sir!" she called back before turning to her letter once more to finish.

_I need to go. The commander of my squad is calling me._

_With love,_

_Your sister Loki_

She carefully folded the letter into place and slid it into an envelope before placing the letter in a small box in her bag. Along with the other letters that are to never be sent.

* * *

She watched the events that unfolded the next few weeks as if through the eyes of a stranger.

She watched as vial after vial of blood was drawn from Steve each day.

"I think you got enough." Steve said.

"Any hope of reproducing a programme is locked in your genetic code." Loki said quoting the words she heard Phillips and the other commanders say only this morning. "But without Dr. Erskine it will take years." She refused to acknowledge the tears that gathered at the edges of her eyes and stubbornly kept them at bay.

"He deserved more than this." Steven said bitterly.

She stared at him for a moment before she quietly said "If it could only work once, he would be proud it was you."

She watched as he argued with Phillips over his position.

"Sir, if you're going after Schmidt, I want in." Steve said.

"You're an experiment." Phillips said without looking at him. "You're going to Alamogordo."

"The serum worked." he protested.

Phillips looked at him. "I asked for an army and all I got was you." There was no compassion or a sign of apology in his face or voice. "You are not enough."

She watched as he was overruled and was forced to become a national icon throughout the land. She watched as his frustration rose and as he spoke to the commanders through gritted teeth. How he took deep breaths to calm himself before leaving the situation and coming back with his fingertips coated in what looked to be black paint.

She watched as he entertained the people before leaving and quickly going to a new city. She listened as the people around her talked about his progress and how 'bond sale', whatever that meant, rose in each city after his performance.

She questioned one of the soldiers about the bonds and after giving her an amused look, one that she linked to how people would look at her as if she was a child or perhaps unintelligent, it was explained to her.

"Sell off the bonds, bonds buy bullets. Bullets kill Nazis." he said in an almost mocking voice. "Understand now?"

Later when questioned about the soldiers broken nose she denied having anything to do with that situation and the soldier himself was humiliated that a woman had been able to break it refused to tell the truth as well.

* * *

_Dear Thor,_

_Well then. Midgard. Asgard. And I am sure plenty of other realms, though I haven't visited any of them long enough to learn of their customs, the rules and beliefs of gender remain the same._

_It honestly sickens me, and I never thought I would have anything in common with Lady Sif however the way the woman on Midgard are treated, especially in areas of war and the such, it is as if they believe we understand nothing and we are no more than children playing a game!_

_Only the last few days I had to resort to physical violence to these men! Myself, using physical violence! Never in my life had I done something like that. _

_Granted I had always used my magic in place however I digress._

_I have been called names and what some of the men on this realm have suggested to me during these past two years, at the memory I cannot help but to blush and burst out some scalding remark. _

_However, those men do not take kindly to a woman fighting back and therefore the end result is something of theirs broken._

_This must be a brief letter. There is a meeting with the commanders on what to do with Rogers now and where to send him._

_Love, _

_Your sister._

The letter joined the others to never be sent.

* * *

She often thought of Peggy, Phillips, and for some reason Howard. They were over the sea helping to fight the war. Whenever she thought of them, the danger they must be in. The fact that their lives were limited in their time. How each day without word from them might mean that they are dead.

Each time she thought of them her heart tightened and she found that it was hard to breathe. She wanted to cry and go to them as soon as possible.

And when word came, merely words that they were alright and new orders for her to follow. The grip around her heart loosened and she found that she could breathe again.

She watched as Steven fought his own battle and found herself silently rooting for his victory.

However Steven was fighting from his home and was doing it in the form of entertainment in order to bring people to fund the army and the materials that they need. Phillips and the others were fighting the actual battle.

Sometimes she tried to figure out which was more important. The war to fund the battle or the actual war of blood. No blood spilled meant the loss of the people. However no funding meant no materials for the war.

It wasn't important either way. This was not her home.

This was not her home.

She refused to make this her home.

* * *

_Thor, _

_I fear something horrible is happening to me here. I'm afraid that I am getting connected with these people that live here. I feel that I am growing concerned for their wellbeing. I worry for the people I don't know, never have met, for those that are willing to die over the seas in this battle of theirs._

_And I most certainly fear for those I know. I worry about them constantly. The loss of the Inventor, I never told his name; it was Erskine, brought me to realize that and the moment I did I severed each link I had created in my mind. _

_However that didn't work. I still feel too connected to these people. I feel myself wishing to be a part of their everyday lives. To live beside them. _

_To fight for them. _

_I know that this is irrational. I am daughter of Odin and Frigga. A goddess. These mortal lives with their short life spans mean nothing to me. _

_Should mean nothing to me._

_Their lives are a simple blink of my eye. A blink and they are gone. _

_Too soon._

_Please. Do not let this be my punishment. Please, I beg you. _

_I don't want to watch these people die. I don't want to watch them age and then pass on._

_Please, don't let this be my penance. I beg you._

_Your sister._

* * *

One day she finally learned of the black paint that would appear on Stevens' fingertips after an argument with the commanders. He was painting.

She found him one day sitting on a crate of supplies and watched behind him as his pencil slowly slid along the papers. She watched as he made the lines connect and created the picture in his mind. His head was tilted to the side and she knew that if she looked at his eyes they would be withdrawn into his own thoughts and that which only he could see.

She closed her own eyes and for a moment she remembered. She remembered the feeling of her chair at her desk in the library underneath her. The quill in her hand as she scribbled note after note, translation after translation. The smell of parchment and books with their leather bindings were clear in her nose. Her eyes heavy with tiredness however her mouth smirking in her own slight victory at finding more information for her magic and her research.

Thor would always be in his element on the battlefield where all he needed was an army to face with his hammer Mjolnir. He was a king on the battlefield, his kingdom the land soaked in blood and the fallen.

She, however, was always at place in the grand libraries. If Thor was a king on the battlefield the library was where she was queen. Her element of intelligence and knowledge. Magic was a part of her as much as her senses were however no one could deny her tongue and its ways of twisting and forming words.

Such a feminine and weak way of battle.

She opened her eyes to see Steven looked at her. His cheeks were slightly dusted in a blush as he pressed the picture he had created against his chest.

Wordlessly she walked to him and gently, so gently that if he didn't want her to see he wouldn't need to do a thing and she would obey his wishes, pulled the picture forward so she may see it.

Her breathe caught in her throat. The only color he had was black and therefore was limited however as he had created the picture, the skyline of New York City; his home, perfectly. The buildings, the bridge, even the miniscule people.

"I did not know you were an artist." she finally said to him as she continued to watch the picture practically come to life on the paper.

Steve shrugged. "I tried to get into art school, and truth be told I don't know if I did. I left for the army the day after the test."

She didn't dare to touch the picture dare she smudged the still new ink however she did reach out slightly towards it. "It doesn't seem that you need schooling for this."

The blush deepened. "I'm not that good. The only reason I was able to get to this was because there wasn't that much else to do as a kid."

His voice had a slight bitter tone to it. She glanced at him sideways and remembered the body he had before.

Small. Weak. Bullied. Undesirable.

Surely not the child of Odin and Frigga.

She blinked the thought away. There was no need to get closer to Steven Rogers. She was focusing more on breaking those bonds, not further creating them.

"Why fight at all?" she couldn't help at asking. "Why not stay down? Bite your tongue? Do what you can?"

Steve, when did he become Steve and not Steven, glanced up at her. "I am doing all that I can."

"All that you can now." she pointed out. "Not then."

"Because it is the right thing to do." he said.

"The right thing to do can very easily kill you." Loki said.

"Then I'd have died knowing I did good." Steve said.

"You think you can do something?" she asked. "You are just one man."

"I'm one man." Steve agreed. "But I'll do all that I can. Maybe, just maybe, it'll be enough for something. To ensure that this world I love will remain safe and good."

She glanced back at the picture.

"The world lost a good artist once you joined the army." she said quietly.

"There are plenty others." Steve said.

Humility. A trait so often not found in any of the warriors that she has ever known in her entire life. And yet here it was, in a Midgardian boy nonetheless. She couldn't help but smile.

"However, the military has gained a great soldier in its place." she finished.

Steve almost deflated an almost crestfallen look on his face. "Only because of the serum."

"Erskine was right in choosing you." Loki said relishing on the surprised look on his face. "You have something no other soldier or candidate that I have seen has."

She reached down to touch his chest and pressed her fingers enough so she could feel that pulse. That beat of life.

"You have heart, Steve." she said softly.

The smile he gave her. That smile that lit up his entire face. Where he showed just a bit of teeth and a pure happiness at her words.

Her own heart quickened its pace. Her stomach clenched once more. She felt a slight blush rise on her cheeks. The bond she had been trying so hard to destroy in her mind had almost hardened to nearly impenetrable force that refused to be broken.

She almost wanted to scream.

Almost.

* * *

_Thor, _

_I don't want to do this anymore._

_I want to go home._

_Loki._

**I own nothing.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Schmidt sent out a force to Rosano. Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned." Loki joined the group in time to hear Peggy tell Steve. "Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured."

Loki noticed as Steve's face lost all color and he barely managed to say "The one-oh-seventh?"

"What?" Peggy asked.

Steve didn't bother answering her, instead he turned and ran to where the commanders were gathered. Loki and Peggy shared a look before following.

"Colonel Phillips?" Steve called out.

Phillips barely gave Steve a glance. "Well, if it isn't the star spangled man with a plan. And what is your plan today?"

"I need the casualty list for Rosano." Steve requested.

"You don't get to give me orders, son." Phillips said.

"I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the hundred and seventh." Steve said almost beseechingly.

Phillips glanced at Peggy. "You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won't enjoy."

"Please tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R…" Steve started in a pleading voice.

"I call spell." Phillips almost spat. He watched Steve for a moment before it almost seemed as if he face softened slightly. "I have signed more of these condolence letters today that I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry."

"What about the others?" Steve asked. "Are you planning a rescue mission?"

"Yeah! It's called winning the war." Phillips answered.

"But if you know where they are, why not at least…" Steve started.

"They're thirty miles behind lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe." Phillips interrupted. "We'd lose more men than we'd save. But I don't expect you to understand that because you're a chorus girl."

Steve was silent for a moment as his mouth shifted and his back straightened. "I think I understand just fine."

"Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes." Phillips snapped before walking to the side to join the other soldiers.

Loki watched as Steve glanced to the where a map was hanging. A quick look told her that it told where the surviving members of the prisoners were being held.

"Yes sir, I do." Steve said stiffly before walking away. Loki watched him and continued to read the map. Peggy placed a hand on her shoulder in comfort.

"If you have something to say now is a perfect time to keep it to yourself." Phillips told her. She bit back a smirk before leaving the tent. To no surprise to her she quickly found Steve packing a small bag along with his shield and almost ready to leave.

"Out of curiosity are you planning to walk to Austria?" she called out to him.

"If that's what it takes." Steve said without looking at her.

"You heard the Colonel, you're friend is most likely dead." Loki pointed out. Even in Asgard they didn't attempt this. Better to die fighting than to be taken as a prisoner after all.

"You don't know that." Steve said stubbornly.

She tilted her head to the side. One more test perhaps. "Even so, he's devising a strategy to take-"

"By the time he's don't that, it could be too late!" Steve interrupted.

He finally looked up at her. "James Barnes is my friend, he was my only friend for a very long time and I owe him too much to give up on him right now." his face softened and his eyes moistened lightly. "He would be doing the same thing if he was in my place. You gotta let me go." he finished as he placed his belongings in the car and started it.

Loki strode up to him. "I can do a bit more than that."

* * *

Traveling with Thor into the mountains in order to slay a dragon had been foolish.

Tricking the dwarves into creating proper weapons for both Thor and Odin had been irrational and almost got her mouth sewed together.

Attempting a mission to get a necklace for Frigga that shined as the sun and allowed its jewels to turn into the colors of the clothes of the wearer was risking humiliation.

However, this seemed to be a bit more daring, dangerous, and life threatening.

She doesn't think she has felt more alive in the last two years.

The beginning of adrenaline was starting to course through her. She could barely stay still in her seat and if she still had her magic she knew that green sparks would be crackling at the tips of her fingers. Stark was sitting at the head of the plane singing slightly to himself as Steve was watching through the window as the land below them rushed past.

"You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab." Steve said glancing at her. She still needed to stifle a laugh at the sight of his helmet. He had stolen it from one of the girls that were performing with him.

"And you won't?" she asked in return.

"Where I'm goin', if anybody yells at me I can just shoot 'em." he answered.

"They'll shoot back." Loki pointed out.

Steve grinned. "Well, let's hope it's good for somethin'." he said knocking the shield behind him. Loki couldn't help but grin back as she handed him the device that Stark had pressed into her hand earlier.

"This is a transceiver." she explained. "When you are ready press it and we'll know where you are and we'll be able to come and get you."

"Agent Odinsdottir." Stark suddenly called from in front of the plane. "If we're not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue."

Fondue was something that Peggy had introduced to her. While the name sounded slightly scandalous she had to admit she did enjoy the tastes of the chesses mixed together on top of the warm bread.

Peggy had also mentioned that it was occasionally replaced with chocolates and strawberries, which was something she looked forward to.

However, if she accepted would that be interpreted as a going out? Would it be considered that she has feelings towards Stark? Would it be considered insulting and a humiliation if she rejected his offer? In truth she did owe the man for braving this journey of theirs.

She noticed Steve staring at her awkwardly. Was he considered to ask her himself or did he now believe she was in a relationship with Stark.

"Stark is the best civilian pilot I've ever seen." and in truth she had seen men makes complete fools of themselves in an attempt to show off while others did seem to know what they were doing. Stark, however, dominated the plane just as easily as he dominated all types of machinery. "He's mad enough to brave this airspace, we're lucky to have him." she pointed out. Occasionally, if all her teachings as a child taught her, sacrifices must be made even if it is as simple as a single night. Stark did seem the gentleman, even with his slightly rougher edges, and she believed that he wouldn't attempt to force himself on her. Not that she wouldn't be able to throw him off however that wouldn't bode well for the military.

"So are you two…?" Steve blushed and almost seemed to force himself to say the next few words. "Do you…? Fondue?"

Her eyebrows moved together in confusion at his question, do they fondue? What in the world did that mean? Did it mean whether they ate together often?, before sparks of light lit the sky from the windows and the plane was violently shaken.

"Hang on!" Stark called out as he maneuvered the plane in an attempt to not get hit.

Steve moved quickly to the opened door of the plane and grabbed a bag that was pinned on the side.

"Get back here!" Loki ordered. "We're taking you all the way in."

"As soon as I'm free, turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!" Steve ordered back instead.

Irritation bristled through her. "You cannot give me orders!"

"The hell I can't!" he objected as he moved the goggles down to cover his eyes. He glanced at her and grinned. "I'm a captain!"

Without waiting for another word he jumped from the plane and opened the bag containing the parachute mere seconds later. Loki continued to watch until the parachute disappeared and even with her eyes he became lost in the woods and the coverings of the trees.

Shaking her head she reached forward and closed the door before moving to the front of the plane once more and taking a seat next to Stark. Neither of them spoke until they were away from firings.

"He'll be fine." Stark said.

"I know." Loki replied.

She didn't refuse however when Stark reached over and placed his hand on top of hers and gave a comforting squeeze. She ignored, however, how he kept their hands together a few extra seconds before retracting his hands.

"Now our fun begins." Stark said. At her questioning glance he grinned. "How much of a shit load of trouble we'll be in when we get back."

* * *

Loki gripped the photographs tightly as she walked to the colonel's tent. Almost unconsciously her hand went to her pocket where the transceiver was lying cold and steady. The fact that she had gotten no signal and the explosions that reached their ears brought little hope that Steve was still alive and making his way back.

As for the past twenty four hours her mind assaulted her with images of Steve dead in all shapes and forms from dismemberment to decapitation. Perhaps there wasn't even a single piece of himself, his entire body torn and destroyed by the explosions leaving nothing behind.

She had finally learned of the powering behind the Nazis weapons. She didn't want to name it, for naming it would place certainty on what it was, nor did she want to remember what her father had told her and Thor of the powers that were hidden in the Treasure Room back in Asgard. She didn't want to remember the destruction she had been told it contained and how it could even bring one of their own to the realm of Hel.

If that could be done to a being of Asgard she didn't even want to know what it would do to a being of Midgard.

She entered the tent where Phillips had just finished dictating a letter described that Steve was, as of now, to be considered dead. She took in a deep breath and steeled herself as she placed the photographs on the table.

"Satellites have been looking everywhere." she said. "There is no sign of him."

Phillips nodded as he looked at the photographs himself, almost as if he could find something that would contradict her statement. "I can't touch Stark, he's rich and he's the army's number one weapons contractor." He glanced up at her and she saw the fire and anger in his eyes. She stared back unflinchingly. "You are neither one!"

"With respect, sir." she said coolly. "I don't regret my actions. And I don't think Captain Rogers did either."

"What makes you think I give a damn about your opinions." he snapped at her. "I took a chance with you, Agent Odinsdottir. And now Americas golden boy and a lot of other good men are dead, cause you had a crush."

Loki bristled at the unspoken accusations. "It wasn't that." she said. "I had faith."

"Well, I hope that's a big comfort to you when they shut this division down." Phillips said almost sarcastingly.

Suddenly the both of them noticed the commotion happening around the camp. Without another word to each other Phillips and Loki hurried out of the tent towards where the crowd was gathering.

Where it could be clearly seen Captain America Steve Rogers was leading an enormous group of men towards the camp.

She couldn't help the smirk on her face as she turned to face Philips.

"Faith, huh?" he grunted at her before walking forward.

A weight was being lifted off of her shoulders and chest without her notice as she hurried forward and finally found herself in front of Steve.

"You're late." she managed to say without her voice cracking.

He grinned, that stupid idiotic wonderful grin, and held up his transceiver. It had crumbled in his hand. "Couldn't call my ride."

* * *

Steve's memory was impressive, that was no doubt. Perhaps it was because of his desire to have been an artist and therefore needing to memorize even the smallest detail which helped him in remembering a map which he had only glanced at. A map that contained information on HYDRAs bases.

HYDRA. An appropriate name. The monster, that Thor had been eager to hunt and fight once, that couldn't die unless the heart was destroyed. Cut off a single head and two more would grow in its place.

"I only got a quick glance." Steve said staring at his replica almost ashamed.

Loki smiled. She enjoyed seeing those who had humility. "Well, no one can be perfect."

Phillips was staring at the map hungrily as it seemed that he was memorizing every last detail possible. "We are gonna set a fire under Johann Schmidt's ass." He turned towards Steve. "What do you say Rogers? It's your map, you think you can wipe HYDRA off of it?"

"Yes, sir." Steve said confidently with his eyes burning. "I'll need a team."

"We're already putting together the best men." Phillips assured him.

Steve's grin widened. "With all due respect, sir. So am I."

**I do not own Thor or the Avengers.**


End file.
